Two Roads Diverged in a Wood…

Man. Today is rough.

Every single thing that used to be automatic is SO HARD. Restroom duties. Getting him dressed. Moving to the wheelchair. Eating time. Meds. I need a nap, now. Oh, it’s 10 AM and time to go?

It is cold and raining, the vans that transport to the clinic are running late, and Randy has an appointment he can’t miss. I decide to take him to the clinic myself, to assure his timely arrival. I forget to take off the lap-tray so he can easily fit in the space provided for his chair in the van…the rain is drenching us both… ugh, this is so hard. Loading up in the cold wetness is miserable.

I am miserable.

WAIT.

STOP.

I choose.

I choose happiness, or misery. I don’t have a ton of control over my circumstances this morning. However, I get to choose my attitude about these circumstances. What’s really hard is remembering this. It seems that I must re-learn this every day. I feel as if I’m retaking the same class over and over again. Maybe if I get this down, I can move on to the next life lesson.

It’s easy to see what’s wrong in my world. What takes skill, is to find the fingerprints of God…to find what is right today. I’m alive, standing beside the one I love. He is still here. My children know the Lord, love each other, and are rallying together to carry-on what is important at home. We have many friends and family who love and support us. We still have a roof over our head, food to eat, and all our basic needs met…for this month anyway;) We are here at a Neuro rehab, surrounded by miraculous healing in the patients around us. I can believe and expect that we will see similar healing in Randy… it just takes time. God has provided everything I need when I need it most, and I trust in Him that He will continue to do so. There are miracles still waiting to happen, and I will get a front row seat to see them unfold.

So…let me change my mind. Lord, help me change and renew my mind. Let’s begin again.

Good morning, new life! Thank you, Lord that my husband is here to dress and feed and help to use the restroom. Thank you for his loaner wheelchair, and for his medicines, some of which are life saving right this very moment. Thank you for hoyer lifts to help me move him around. Thank you, that I can be here to support and stand beside him in this most trying and difficult time.

Thank you for sending me the opportunity to buy a mobility van so I can help get Randy around to all the places he needs to be. Thank you that it’s raining when it could be snowing or iced over. I know how to drive in rain.

And thank you, Lord, for the ability to choose how I will react. Help me to do it in a way that brings me joy, and honors you.

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